Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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