You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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