She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
