if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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