he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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