i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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