is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
