Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
