We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is Oprah even human
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
