i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
