Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
