life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i already hear my dad disowning me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
