every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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