She's JV to your varsity
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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