Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
