i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize