You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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