Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
