Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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