Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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