Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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