is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
