Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
