I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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