Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we're making bets on your personal life
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
