i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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