Just mADE A PArabola og urine
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
