I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
