i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
