Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
