Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
