My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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