I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
