thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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