Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
