if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
