I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
