dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
