I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
