imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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