Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
