I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
