So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
