You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
