Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
