It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
