i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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