This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
