Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
