I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
