If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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