I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
