At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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