i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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