I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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