I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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