4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
