Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
