My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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