just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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