so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
