I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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