my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
