There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
