Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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