New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
