i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
