Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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