im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize