the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
