Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
