just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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