EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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