I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
