My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
