I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?