the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have fence marks all over my body