so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?