Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life