chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
