chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.