There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.