i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
