I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
