well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
